Are you a content curmudgeon?

A simple test

If you don't know if you're a content curmudgeon, or have no idea what we're talking about, here's a simple test. 

Do you daydream (at least ten times a day) of quietly disconnecting your Facebook account and watching it sink, waving its arms in panic, to the bottom of some dark lake where it will slowly be picked clean by catfish as it dies a wretched death, mutely sucking in precious oxygen from mud bubbles like some sort of primitive marine creature previously unknown to man? Does your drowning account have the face and arms of Mark Zuckerberg?

Do you every wonder what the writer of the latest "surprisingly easy" 10-step guide looks like and where on his face or forehead your fist would best fit?

Do you ever have the feeling, like me, that all those people that used to sign up for jobs offering "big bucks" and "career advancement" for stuffing envelopes from the comfort of their kitchen tables have migrated en masse into content creation? And that there are thousands of new recruits daily—all with PhDs—now working out of the comfort of a Starbucks or a park bench or the beach? And that they will continue to spawn like soap bubbles, creating many future iterations of themselves and their content until it all merges—man and content—into a gibbering fever dream that is the exact opposite of what Morpheus was promising in The Matrix?

Have you ever said to yourself, "I would rather spend a weekend driving ATVs with Justin Bieber than finish reading this article?"

If you answered "OMG, yes!" to any of these questions, maybe you're a content curmudgeon too.

If you're still in doubt, here's a list of five things that will make any bona fide content curmudgeon feel like they've experienced the literary equivalent of a night in one of Liberace's bathrobes. 


5 signs you're a content curmudgeon

You bristle when you find a sentence that starts with, "Point is", as in:

"Point is, curating content can help you build a massive following of people ready to buy your product.”

You don't want to be talked at like the elderly victim of an insurance scam whenenever there's a statistic involved.

"So if 82% of marketers are curating content the right way, then why do only 41% say it works? Simple. Because they’re publishing aggregated content."

Right.


And then be talked at by GIFs.

"I’ll let these two GIFs do the talking for me."

You're looking over your shoulder for a talking monkey you can shoot every time you read the words "crazy" or "badass" instead of "very" in marketing content specially designed to mobilize your potential.

"That means I’m not going to list out every tool under the sun, because that’s just crazy confusing (you’ll see why). And I’m not going to speak in hypotheticals that don’t give a clear objective."

Or:

"Time to curate some badass content. Ready?"

The phrase "great content creator" only makes you think of Gerry Melba, the little boy in fourth grade that won prizes for sucking milk up his nose and then spitting it back out his mouth.

"Every great content curator follows three steps to curate the best content in the land."


 Zay Tonday

Zay Tonday

The sad truth

All five of these examples come from the first few paragraphs of one Buzz Sumo article that we have found to be the content marketing equivalent of Zay Tonday's Chocolate Rain. How far can you get before the cringe factor sets in and forces you to look the other way?

Let us know in the comments section.

Next week, stay tuned for the antidote to cringeworthy copy.